Clear My Conscience

11/06/2019 Wednesday

Under the weather. A bleeeh feeling permeated my day. However, this is basically how it went… I woke up (hallelujah) but contrary to my norm not quite “I’m ready, I’m ready” and raring to go. Typically, I’m up by 5:30 a.m. and quick to the gym where I run for 20 minutes and do biometrics and/or machine muscle building, for lack of a better term, lol; those weighted things that simulate real work to build muscles. (No, not all of my synapses are yet healed, not even by a long shot.) I skipped class yesterday for feeling under the weather with my sore throat and later nauseous tummy (for what seemed like forever.) Thankfully, Brandy gave me some zofran around 8 p.m. Even still, the nausea creeps in. <We were loading items for a battered women’s shelter and it was all I could do to keep from hurling.> This morning however I felt a second trip to the Immediate Care was in need yet I was definitely on the fence about attending regular daily duties. I left there with antibiotics hitherto the CVS in queue only to find it closed until after my rehab class which would begin at 9 a.m. I paced around held by a local but national radio station which featured me on air. The topic of discussion peaked my interest initially. They were interested in non-Christian songs that have spiritual messages. Having only recently discovered my higher power’s true existence, I have been developing my understanding of this aspect of my life almost constantly for months now and in several instances of radio play I have noticed Christian music masquerading in various forms. Pop, rock, rap etc. The example I chose was Peter Gabriel’s “Sledgehammer” which is a wonderful recovery song. I spoke briefly on my journey on air and went about my way on to class floating on a cloud only God allows. In class, we studied complacency, ie: behaviors that may impede one’s ability to remain abstinent from drugs and alcohol. Afterward, I took a newbie to a first recovery meeting.. post class. I also was given the opportunity to aid in the reunification of a family in similar circumstance. Did and delivered these souls about and home. All the while sacrificing a meeting for the edification of a local community that is a passion project, which I regret, but alas, in recovery as in life, the newcomer is most important. I am trying to honor this. I want desperately to be a mouthpiece for God’s kingdom, but he’s telling me to meditate, slow down, patience all of which are so difficult for me. I dawdle, unfortunately from most other responsibility today via my full dive into service work. Now at work, I reel still with wanting to vomit ehhh. I must take more time to focus, or in this casem reflect on me. Please friend pray for my health, my recovery, and the list of those I pray for as well. Thank you for reading and in the theme of Mr. Rogers hope you come back and visit!